Writing as a Form of Memory

(November 2021. I had told the story of my ayahuasca experience so many times to so many different people that I began to worry that telling the story too much would shrink it and replace the deep, experiential memory. So I wrote this in reaction to that.)

Writing as a form of memory

I have just told again the story
Of a time I
Gave myself to ceremony
With ayahuasca met with
A white owl— flew outside—
And the stars danced ecstatic
With my electric white wings.

When one writes the ineffable…
Will writing replace memory?
If words deflect from myself…
But if I enter myself?
If I make a meditation of memory?
If I inhabit it
As real as I inhabit this room?

Could it live within me, always,
Present, how it feels to be here,
In this room, outside,
A wonderfully powerful owl
Dancing with the saguaros with the stars
Dancing with me?