i was told tale of this saguaro

(February 2022. Tonopah AZ near Saddle Mountain. For Adam.)

i was told tale of this saguaro
he said he spoke to him in the wind
i asked for directions
way up there in the crumble
in the shadow under the massive
red rock small mountain
a squat red pillar sitting
surrounded by rocks tumbleready
are you okay with scrambling
yes you have no idea

i was out of breath
from weariness walking stress sunlight
lack of ever enough water
to hydrate where water deserts.
my heart beats too much⁠—
long covid reminds me
how each climb can long cost
but i had to see the saguaro
before the sunset
even tho the sun set
before i arrived

this is the best saguaro around
my friend was right
and i love that it chose
this spot east of the pillar
growing in the shadow
under beautiful red rock.

the saguaro is wet and green
alive here and now
because of rocks air and sun
and shade the shadow of the red rock
water lives well here
and from red rock life
drips darkly

ts eliot, you damned fool,
you know nothing of red rock⁠—
i wish i could show you
what you missed
when you went east
instead of west

i have not been able to listen well
if the saguaro has been speaking at all
there are a few spread out camps
down far below
generating noise and music
from outside the desert
they speak much faster than saguaro
i just cannot hear what it says

but i can see it
and awareness is a way
of language and language
is a way of loving

once your arms soak big enough
to sprout their own arms,
when branch becomes trunk towards
a number of arms tough to tally
exactly and so becomes
a new whole

adhd by kendrick just came on
loud from an suv so far below
there here with me far
away in the silent desert

it is hard to focus and darkening
before i go one more word
my friend i see has hurts
from the base to my height
scars holes wounds browning
dead parts of a living saguaro
the bottom of the base strong
and dead around life supporting
like dark brown bark on trees
so much less soft than the
green skin of healthy saguaro
supple and strong—

did you know the desert
can teach softness?

i too brother saguaro bear my wounds
close to my beginning,
i too grow atop my pain

and how much self is downstream
from trauma and how much self
is downstream from love?

the darkness is coming and
my mouth is dry
and i am new and i
very low on water
will have enough to return
no matter what

i have walked long now
and it has gone from dimming
to darkness and insects singing
and the small fire of home
is still very far away

i’m not even halfway
but behind me the red rock
is all shadow darker than the
moonlit navy blue behind
and the shadow of the saguaro
on the other side is folded into
the massive eclipse shadow
of the red rock, one
shadow more than the night

i have faith and no doubt
that nature’s saguaro real
and already poetry
will laugh a flower
whether or not my eyes witness

dripping from the shadow of red rock
los saguaros en el waste land blossom