i wanted to walk out of my mind

(January 2022. Depths of depression. Went for a walk along the rocky brackish shoreline of the river/bay near my parents’ house. Walking is good for mental health! Was trying very hard not to think compulsive negative thoughts but not usually succeeding. Small breaks where I thought about anything else were a mercy. I’m walking along and finally think a couple good thoughts and string them together. Then, as I’m writing, I think of the white owl, my spirit guide, for the first time in a while. The last time I saw the owl was in Palm Springs. Right after I think of the owl, (swear to God), I hear a hoo HOO in the distance along the shoreline, back towards my street, in the trees of one of the yards near the shoreline. I hear it again and again and walk along the rocks in a joyous trance, following the owl once again, grateful to have something outside my mind to hold onto, something meaningful. I followed the sound until the hoo-ing disappeared. I can’t remember ever really hearing owls around that area ever before. This is the sort of thing that only makes sense when you consider the fact that I’m living the Great American Novel lmao. Many thanks to the writers of the plot for this turnaround moment!)

i wanted to walk out of my mind

i wanted to walk out of my mind
drowning in the story i’d swim
anywhere to feel the air on my face
with no past blowing or future to fear
i am here but my thoughts slip back into
what happened and why and woe is me
unaware that i am not the story but the storyteller

the fog fades the purple bay and the stillness is silent save
the crackling of clams gasping at low tide
and i think noise tells me where i am not
and silence tells me where i am

i thought all of a sudden of the white owl
how long has it been?
then— i
here
a who?